We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
