MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
