Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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