Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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