Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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