She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
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Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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