Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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