whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
