There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
