Will you blow on my dice?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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