omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
