Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
