the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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