I can text with my tongue
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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