Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
