I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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