his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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