I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
