I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
