pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
