i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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