Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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