...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
