he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
