Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
