i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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