Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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