he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
