...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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