I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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