I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
