you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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