you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
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Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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