Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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