I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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