why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
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He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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