that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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