that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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