i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize