This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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