Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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