we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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