NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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