Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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