drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
