I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
