shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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