batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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