She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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