so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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