I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
