I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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