Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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