My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
