Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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