So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
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Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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