I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
