I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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