Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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