Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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