maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
