he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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