If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
