can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
