just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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