You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
