pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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